Wednesday, 13 August 2008

The chasm of no return

For some reason, my cleavage seems to attract all the wrong attention. And by attention, I actually mean objects, paraphernalia, foodstuff, junk.

Hannah thought it would be funny to pop a figure of Noah's wife down there.. the ark just wasn't good enough for her (the wife... do we know her name?), but the dark depths of my chest was a better homestead it would seem.

Then she thought it a cosy place to keep her hands warm. She had eaten an ice pole (despite the horrific weather) and her little mitts sought respite between the ladies.

I'm surprised that she was able to get her figurine and her hands out whole and unscathed. Other things have not been so lucky.

There was the time that I thought I had lost my mobile phone. I had stuffed it betwixt the ladies cos I had my hands full when trying to get in to the car, and then forgot about it. It wasn't until a couple of hours had passed that I realised that it was still there, struggling for a reception.

I've been known to keep not only notes, but bank cards down there, when I've wanted to travel light and gone to the shops without my purse. The problem arose when I had to keep my change somewhere... It was uncomfortable and gave me a bizarre shape.

I've also transported stuff down there without me realising. One night, getting ready for bed, I took off the ol' over the shoulder boulder holder, and a WHOLE tortilla chip fell on to the floor. Cool original, if you're wondering... as I had... hahaha.

Hair bobbles, cereal, a necklace and a button have been some of the other random things that I've come across when retiring at the end of the day.

Now, I'm certainly not gloating about the fact that my chest could probably hold a joey as well as it's adult mother. It's not something to shout about, indeed, probably something to talk to a plastic surgeon about. But maybe I could do something useful with it. I could make it as a drugs mule, without having to carry anything internally. I could be used as a remote control holder/magazine rack and could sit at the end of the sofa. I could help at parties and other gatherings by holding half an orange with cocktail sticks spiked with cubed cheese and pickled onions. I'd gladly accept more suggestions..

I'm off to bed. And to rake through the bounty that no doubt the ladies will offer.


Carol said...

Now I feel sadly lacking. I always coveted a larger chest but didn't realise it could be so utilised.

It is like having a second pair of hands and what mother wouldn't find that useful.

Simply Shannon said...

Wait, you're not the one that Carol found that article about are you?

Welcome to Bloggywood dahling! Can't wait to read more.

Heidi said...

OH HOORAY! You started a blog, too! And it's funny like you!

The fact that you call them "the ladies" just about made my life. And you could store Twinkies in there for when you get a little depressed. That's a compartment worth coveting.

Jill said...

Sadly, I will never find any treasures hidden among my ladies. Nope. Especially not after nursing the 4th. (To much of a visual...I apologize)

Oh with children the possibilities are endless! Treats for emergency moments...lollies, hard candy (chocolate not so good-for the friction would surely cause melting) and then baby wipes of course for the quick clean up!

Thanks for the laugh.