Tuesday, 26 August 2008

To Pong Poo, thanks for everything Comfort and Lenor

One of my biggest 'fears' is smelling bad. My worst nightmare (and really - I don't think I'm being dramatic..) is going throughout the day stinking of BO or fecal matter and not knowing it. I really don't think there's any reason why anybody should stink. One should have a bath or shower every day, wash all the necessary nooks and crannies and use the appropriate defences against the possible incidence of the aforementioned aromas, ie anti-perspirant on the pits (and cleavage, if it's ample enough.. Trust me - a squirt of deodorant down there really makes a difference) and maybe a puff of talc on certain crevices.

But my favourite thing to smell of, is fabric softener. Actually, when I first started going out with Robbie, I was attracted to the way he smelled.. He smelled of washing powder. Which suggested that he was clean. What I realise now is that his mother made sure he was clean by doing his washing for him..

My favourite softener is the yellow Lenor. Think it's Summer Breeze. If i was really invested in this, I'd go and check, but i can't be bothered moving my heaving patoot to do so. Anyway - it's lovely. And when I'm doing the washing, I like to put double the amount in. Sure, it's unnecessary. Sure, it's excessive. Sure, it irritates the girls' sensitive skin. But it smells great. And the waft of clean washing round the house gives the illusion that you've got a clean home. And the waft of clean clothing gives the illusion that you're a clean person.

But the best thing, is going to bed in freshly washed sheets. Snuggling in to your duvet and pillows, being enveloped by the smell of summer meadows and washing lines. This only ever lasts for the first night though. No fabric detergent is mighty enough to combat the filth that is Robbie's scalp. I go mad if he uses my pillows.. making it dirty with his smelly face and greasy head... the smell of summer being smothered by the smell of day old head and hair product and sweaty face.

So here's to smelling good. Here's to cleanliness. Here's to a big ol' carbon footprint with all the double doses and excessive washing. Here's to a crusade to get Rob to take a shower before he goes to bed at night. Here's to Lenor.


Jill said...

Ode to "Downey-April Fresh". It is my equivilent to your Lenor. And I ditto the clean sheets and duvet smelling of an april fresh breeze.

Love your title. Seriously, you are funny. And best of all, when I read what you've written, curiously enough I hear it in my head with your Scottish accent. It's fab.

Carol said...

Well if that doesn't get Robbie taking evening showers I fear nothing ever will.

If I could be bothered I'd wash our bedding daily such is the joy I feel climbing into freshly laundered sheets.