Thursday, 7 August 2008

The unblinking eye of judgement

So, you'll know that I have three kids. Eilidh (5), Hannah (2) and Esther (4 and a half months). There are a few battles raging right now. No, I'll rephrase that, so I don't sound so negative. There are a few challenges facing both Hannah and Esther right now. Hannah and her personal demon - the toilet. But more about that another time... and Esther and a lovely bottle. Lovely to me, but pure evil, it would seem, to her.

Esther is a boob baby. And, she is a fat baby. So, as you can imagine, she feeds a lot. She's not called Her Royal Fatness for no reason. I have to get her on to a bottle before she drains my very essence, my will to live. Bottle to me=freedom. Bottle to Esther=pure filth.

The thing is, I'm all for the pros of having a breast fed baby. Certainly you're told often enough and loud enough that 'breast is best'. Though, there are other things to consider. Like two other kids that know that when you are feeding the baby, it renders you completely unable to control them. They know that you can't chase, scold, chasten, break up fights, or get them out of the cupboards. So this is where the evil eye comes in to play.

The Evil Eye. The Unblinking Eye of Judgement. It's the look that says, "don't you dare". It's the look that says "unhand your sister's toy/hair/neck or else there will be trouble". Then what should happen is that peace again should be restored. One should stare, with the whole iris showing, as much white of the eye on display and gaze unwavering.

Yes.. as I said - what should happen is that peace again is restored, with the ladies bowing to the eye and obeying it's subliminal chastening message. But, because these wily kids know I can't go anywhere when there's a baby attached, my threatening eye means nothing to them at all. In fact, they're almost mocking of my steely stare (certainly more mocking since the time I was staring so much that my contact lens popped out my eye and I lost my nerve and just laughed). And so now I'm sure they wait til I'm sitting with the baby before they plan their assault. And so bedlam is all around me, as I sit, helpless.

So - the battle rages on.. Esther will have to take a ruddy bottle. And I shall have to reclaim my place as 'she who must be obeyed'.

1 comment:

Simply Shannon said...

Little kids are so devious that way. My class always knows that they can get away with things when I have to go change a diaper and never fail to take advantage! Best of luck winning the war if not the battle!
How do you pronounce Eilidh? After giving my daughter a name that no one in the good ol' US of A seems capable of pronouncing properly I have become much more aware of how things should be said and I would hate to go and masacre such a lovely gaelic name as that.