Tuesday, 14 October 2008

The ladies have been brought to justice

Well it would seem that attending Fat Club has it's positives after all. I had the unnerving opportunity to go for a professional bra fitting the other day. (As opposed to the unprofessional bra fitting??) And it would seem that the ladies are getting smaller.

The last time I went for a fitting was YEARS ago. I think the last time I went was when I was 18. And after being back for another one, I remembered why it took me so long to go back for another one.

The lady showed me in to a changing room and asked me to strip to my waist but keep my 'lady hammock' on. OK.. she didn't call it that, but I'm shy about using the actual word. :)

So.. I quickly took my t-shirt off and then I caught a glimpse of myself in the unforgiving mirror. From all angles. HEINOUS. So then I quickly tried to pull up my jeans to try and tuck in any excesses of chub in to my waist band, and tried a few different poses, to see what pose best minimised the sight of my stretch marks on my belly (blinking babies....). And then suddenly the curtain was yanked back, leaving me in full view of a couple of young girls, who were outside the changing room, waiting for their mum. No doubt the sight of me will haunt them for years to come.

The woman came in, and gave me a quick measure - and I was so caught off guard by her cold tape that I didn't use any of my poses. She would've clocked my escaping chub and my rippled belly in all it's 'glory'.

So, she told me what size she thought I should be, and I was pleasantly surprised cos it was a lot smaller than I thought I was. I mean, they're still embarrassingly big. And not in a good way. Seriously. But I was revelling in the fact that I wouldn't be able to do my party piece of checking to see if my bra would fit me by putting it on my head.

She asked me if I wanted to try on a few bras to check the size. I said sure, still feeling great about my smaller bust line.

She came back with a few different hammocks. And stood in the cubicle with me as she waited for me to try them on.

Em.... now, I'm not a prude, and hell, I have no dignity left after having 3 kids. But I did come over all shy all of a sudden. I mean... I don't put a bra on in a savoury manner. There is a lot of bending over and tipping in. That's all I'm saying. But she stood there while I was contorting all over the place trying to get changed. Yikes. She must've been horrified. Cos I was.

But once that feat of engineering was on, I was amazed. No longer would I lose things down that cleavage again. That's how good the hammock was. I could go on explaining why I thought it was so good, but won't... just in case there's a creepy guy reading this.

Though I nearly choked on my underwire when it came to pay for this miracle garment... Though, can you put a price on an amazing rack?

NB. I have never had any small winged things in my bra ... without me realising it... in case there was any confusion - I am NOT that girl that Carol was talking about.... Now that really would've been an experience for the ladies...


Melissa Bastow said...

What I woudln't give for an amazing rack. Ok, actually, I wouldn't go through THAT to get one. YIKES. I don't even let my husband see me in just a bra - - yes, it's that bad. But hey, the next time you look in the mirror at your awesome ladies, you can be glad because I'm still sitting here digging M&M's out of my cleavage.

Jen said...

Can I just relate a minute here? My last bra fitting (I think there's like a special club of us who actually require these) was just after my first child. Because "regular" stores didn't carry my size. Nice.

I felt like a freak of nature.

If you have to have them, however, getting those girls to stand at attention is the only way to go. Congrats on your new equipment, and on the smaller size (from someone who can sympathize).

Jen said...

I have never been for a "proper" bra fitting. I think I need to add that to my bucket list. Ok, so maybe I should add it to a more pressing to do list before it is too late and my boobs aren't were they are supposed to be.

I feel you on the whole stretch mark thing. Blinking babies is right!

Rick said...

Funny post - just surfing through and, of course, I had to read it.

Mine are getting bigger.

Jill said...

A quick comment...
Seriously, tears rolling down my face.

Thank you for the comedy. I so look forward to your entries. That's exactly why you win blog awards and I don't.

Never had a "fitting" myself. For that exact reason. My rack does not impress-but I'd still like to optimize.
You're the best.

Carol said...

I think you need to put your child free time to much better use. Though that was very entertaining.

I need to come visit you guys and just sit on your couch and eat while you and Robbie entertain me.