Tuesday, 4 November 2008

ASDA - Annoyance, Screaming kids, Desperate parenting, Aaaaggh

Remember the days when you could go to ASDA or any shop for that matter, and you were able to go in, peruse the goods on sale at leisure, and take time to compare prices, brands, and eye up the produce boy?

Yeah... well, I barely remember those days. For now I have 3 distractions that make the above impossible. Well, all apart from the produce boy bit... I am a girl, after all.

It all starts before we've even got in to the shop. This 'super'store is doing away with shopping trolleys that have two seats. Apparently most families now only require one seat. So already, I'm jipped cos I don't conform enough to have my babies taken care of. Though a trip round the shops makes me realise why most people only have one or two kids.

And then once we're inside, there seems to be some kind of message sent out to all children (kind of like a high pitched frequency that only children's ears can hear) that makes them act wild, need the loo every five minutes, be demanding of sweets, whine and moan incessantly and act like little houdini's.

And why above all this, is my absolute NEED to save face the most frustrating thing of all? Why do I feel like I have to show everybody that I can handle these three little monsters? Why do I feel like I have to paint a picture of me being the most fabulous parent in the world, who has three well trained chimps/kids who obey my every command and who do nothing but smile sweetly at passers by and who don't drool and snot over all the goods before they're scanned? In my psychotic head, everyone is judging me and the number of lollipops I carry in my Trolley Dolly and the whispered threats of smacked bots and the over use of the evil eye of judgement.

For example, as we were waiting in line at the checkout (we were waiting for the wee wummin to stop talking to her friend) Hannah and Eilidh had had enough. Both of them were crying. But, I chose to ignore them. Everything else had been tried. Lollies, promises of a nice dinner when we got home, threats of a horrible dinner when we got home (more likely) almost pleading with them to stop their nonsense.... And it's the woman behind me that ends up almost pushing me over the edge. She takes out her manky dirty keys and starts jangling them in front of Hannah's face. Of course, it incenses her and the crying gets louder... as do the bunch of keys. I appreciate that she was trying to help. But I was ready to take those manky dirty keys and lob them straight up the pet aisle (cos it stinks to high heaven of cheap dog food). Does she not think that I have tried everything to make these kids quiet? No - here she comes with her miracle keys. One jangle and calm is restored. And why would a 2 year old be interested in keys anyway!? No - she has judged me and thought to herself - "hold up, this bird can't look after her kids properly. Doesn't she know they need something to play with? Something fun like a set of manky dirty keys?" And it's these unspoken judgements that I can't bear.

Well. There is no point to this post. I'm not concluding with a brainwave of how better to deal with this situation in the future. Just do the shopping at night I suppose... when the produce boy finishes his shift ;)


Melissa Bastow said...

The produce boy part cracks me up. Maybe because I married a produce boy. He's not one still, but yeah, once upon a time...

I used to worry what people thought of my parenting skills in stores, but now I just let my kids scream. I'm also nazi-mom and make my kids hold onto the side of the cart and the rule is, "Mommy must see you AT ALL TIMES." They get so mad. And luckily no manky jangling stranger keys as of yet...

Trying to Stay Calm! said...

Love it! Don't forget to visit my new blog :)

Beeswax said...

Ah yes. Manky keys, indeed. Well, this week I was in a sort of fancy store where my son was beginning to melt down. Then, a 5o-something woman walks past and mutters profanely under her breath. And I was shocked, so I said, I'm sorry, is my son disturbing you? And she was like, no, I was just talking to myself. So I don't know if she just didn't want to be called out on her rudeness, or if she really was cussing to herself.

I am very excited that you linked me, because now, between you and someone I know in Paris, and one lady who linked me in Australia, I am an international blogging celeb! Is fantastic news!

I suspected that I'd been here to your place before, and sure enough, I had read the post about when you went to the fat fighters meeting. And I loved it a great deal, but I will tell you that the accompanying picture is burned into my brain, and not in a good way. I even read it to my sister over the phone, I think. So she wouldn't have to see the photo.

I hope I'm not coming off prudy. Don't wish to come off prudy on first day of international blogging celebrity.

You are a funny, funny lady. I hope you don't mind if I link you, as well.

Carol said...

Have your tried online shopping?

I'm sure you can google pictures of produce boys to scratch that itch too.