Sunday, 14 December 2008

I have a confession...

And I feel like I need to come clean with it - like if I own up to it, it means that I've somehow made the first step towards dealing with this filthy habit.

When watching slow-motion re -runs of races, my eye is automatically 'drawn'... ahem. To...those areas that should be better concealed and better kept in check than they are.


We were just watching the BBC's Sporting Personality of the Year, and they were showing re-runs of the Usain Bolt races from the Olympics. And yes, I CAN appreciate how truly amazing his races were. All I'm saying, is I have a renowned attention to detail. My eyes are no respecter of areas. If something's a-shakin', I'm a-lookin'. And my, my. I was a-lookin'.


And the thing is - I can't be alone in this 'attention to detail.' Be honest.. I can't be the only one that notices.. ?


If I am, let me know, so I can go to self-help groups and get over this delightful condition.

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

Atomic.... indeed.

Christmas Parties. One thing I don't really miss now that I'm a 'stay-at-home-chump'. So you can imagine how I felt when Robbie asked me to go to his work's night out. It was being held at our National football stadium - Hampden. And it was themed. Rock Stars. After a lot of conjoling on his part, I said I would go. I mean - how bad could it be? A big venue, everybody dressed up, a 3 course meal (this was the decider)...



So what to dress up as? ZZ Top? Could cover my chins with a huge beard. Cyndi Lauper? Could cover my wrinkles under a slap of yellow eyeshadow. Mama Cass? Could just dress up in my usual garb. Basically, in under-enthusiastic manner, I was looking for an idea that wouldn't require a tremendous amount of effort on my part.




I chose to be Blondie. Cos i'm so like her. Pfffttt. Actually, cos i figured all I needed was ablonde wig and a bin liner. Think about her Atomic video.. blonde and bin bag. Magic. Effort= minimal.




Robbie was going as one of the Village People. The cop. The rest of the guys in his team were going to make up the five piece. Now I wouldn't have necessarily deemed the Village People as 'Rock Stars', but that's what they were dressing up as. And yes, it has crossed my mind that Robbie and his mates WERE just looking for an excuse to be gay for a day.


We were geting dressed up ready to go out, my mum and dad had come round to babysit, the make up was applied and the wig was on (and robbie had his pistol in place and gay glasses on) when he informed me that "fancy dress was optional".


"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT??????????????????????"


And as it turned out, this proved blatantly obvious when we turned up at the function. We rolled up in our 7 seater to the stadium, and there was a crowd of folk outside dressed to the nines in all their finery. All their black tie finery. Of course, we stuck out like a sore thumb. A dirty big open sore of a mangled bent up sore thumb.


And as we made our way to our table, you know - the table that was right at the back of the room, I figured that out of about 500 folk there that night, we were 2 out of a total of about 20 people that had got dressed up. Though the rest of the Village People were included in that number, so you really get the idea of how few people really had decided to throw on a wig and camp it up for the night.


It ended up being not so bad, cos folk were consuming free alcohol at the rate of knots, so we ended up not looking so bad after all. But still. Given the choice of going out in bin liner or a little black dress....