Sunday, 18 January 2009

I knew how to attract the boys;)

Seriously? Not really.

I'm sitting here watching Wayne's World and I've just seen the scene with Alice Cooper belting out some tune about Frankenstein. I love that film. I think I went to see it at the cinema when it first came out. Anyway. So I was looking at Alice Cooper's leather trousers. Yowsers. They were tight. Which may have been more appealing if someone attractive were wearing them, you know, like any one of the guys that I really fancy.

But they reminded me of the time that I had a pair of trousers like that. Only I couldn't afford leather ones. My measly part time job (I was a checkout girl at ASDA, though I was multi-skilled - I could even pack rolls in the bakery section, thank you very much) didn't pay me the funds necessary to buy an attractive pair of leather trousers. But now that I think about it, what the hell was I thinking!? WHY did I want a pair in the first place!? I owned no Harley Davidson, owned no horse, and certainly wasn't an Alice Cooper fan.

But I digress. I couldn't afford leather trousers. So I bought the next best thing. PVC leather looky likey trousers. Yeah - I looked good. Especially when paired up with my high heeled silver hologram sandals.

There was one snag though. They weren't easy to wear. They had to be broken in every time they were worn. Once on, I had to stand perfectly still for about 10 minutes. I couldn't bend my knees or sit down. But once they had been broken in, they were like a second skin. Really. They were a bit tight. And once again, I'm wondering to myself... what the hell was I thinking!? My thighs are not conducive to anything skin tight. But, at the time, I thought I looked flippin' magic.

My friend and I were out one night and the PVC spray on effect trousers were out with us too. After a couple of hours dancing away, it was time to visit the loo. And here, I encountered another problem. Getting them back on. You know the scene in Friends where Ross can't get his leather (yeah - real leather) trousers back on? And he's dabbing with cold water, and lotion, and baby powder, in a vain attempt to get them back on? It's a true story. That scene spoke to me. Cos i think that scene was based on my real life experience of that night I went to the loo and was in there for about 15 minutes, waiting for my legs to cool down a bit, so I could haul the trousers back on, and begin the 10 minute warm up process again.

Though as if the experience of that happening wasn't enough, i felt I had to share the experience with a random guy. This guy i think was trying to be nice. He came up to me and said that he really liked my trousers, that it made me look sexy. I'm pretty sure he was intoxicated. Anyway... to which I responded

"yeah, I like my trousers, but they're such a pain to get in to. I've just had to struggle to get back in to them cos my legs were so sweaty, and now I'm just itchy."

Clearly I had ruined his perception of me and 'sexy' trousers. His face visibly fell and it looked like the toxic substances he'd consumed earlier in the evening were about to make a reappearance.

The trousers met their demise not long after that night. I didn't adhere to the 10 minute warming up process and tried to bend my legs to tie the buckle on my hologram shoes and they split right across the knee. I was devastated. And so was my pharmacist. Sales in Canesten went way down for her after that day.


Julie said...

I can't believe you threw them out! That was the funniest thing I have ever heard and also so like me to tell the guy about getting them on. Classic!

Beeswax said...

When the pants split at the knee, you could have cut them off to make shorts.

In high school I bought some Laura Ashley bib overalls made of flowery green corduroy, so I looked like an oversized two year old. (I am not a short woman.) I wore them with suede moccasins. I wish I had a picture of that. It was horrible. Really really horrible.

Do you have a photo of the plastic pants?

That is my favorite Friends' scene of all time.

Melissa said...

Oh, how funny! I never had leather or even PVC pants, but I do have similar recollections of a pair of Jordache jeans!

Jen said...

I LOVE that episode of Friends! Can I just say that it's in my top five for funniest Friends ever? And seriously. Just the thought of you wrestling with a vinyl version in the "loo" is an absolute riot. My legs were itching just thinking about it.

Jill said...

Right when you said, "PVC Pants" I thought of Ross with the baby powder and then of him slinking out the door, pants in hand. At least that part didn't happen.

And I own a brown "pleather" jacket, which trust me, leads to profuse sweating a mere 20 seconds upon arrival of my shoulders.

I was laughing out loud. And love that you told the intoxicated dude the whole thing.
Love it.

Maike said...

FUNNY! I once saw a desirable pair of leather pants and even tried them on cause I thought they wouldn't fit anyway...well, I was very upset when I found out that they fir perfectly, yet I still could not afford to buy them.
But now I know that wearing them would only have caused problems, what with all the awesome dancing and sweating I would have done...Thank you.

Carol said...

A really old lady at church just asked Rob a couple of weeks ago what his waist measurement was because she has this really lovely pair of leather trousers that she thought he'd suit.

I was devastated they weren't his size. I would have been laughing forever if they had fit because she is so lovely he would have to have worn them.