Wednesday, 14 January 2009

Slice me open and see the venom

Really - I have discovered that this week, I'm not a very nice person. On the inside. Cos I can pretend really well to be nice. Which then tells me that I'm also two faced. Which is hardly a redeeming attribute.

I was at the gym, looking my usual terrible self. Really - I figure, I'm going to sweating my heaving ass off, there's no point in making sure my hair's sitting perfectly, and that my t-shirt's not perfectly (OK.. not at all) ironed. Cue me on the cross trainer (indeed - it makes me very cross) wondering if I may just have a heart attack. I was then wondering what I'd like to have as a 'last meal'. Yes - I'm morbid like that. But, I was on the cross trainer, thinking about delicious dinners. Can you see something wrong with this picture already!?

Anyway.. my daydream was rudely interrupted by some girl being shown by the gym instructor how to work the machines... she was new.

Girl: So I was wondering what my ideal weight should be? Cos I'm 8 and and half stone and I feel really fat.

Instructor: Well, it's a hard thing to say, it depends on a lot of factors. But looking at you, you're petite and very slim, so I would suggest that you're probably already at your ideal weight

Girl: Well I just feel sooooo fat. (pointing to ribby ribs and concave stomach). I just eat chocolate all the time, and I'm always buying packets of crisps.

Instructor: No, I think your weight is fine. Instead of looking at weight loss, you can think about healthier eating and perhaps toning up.

Girl: Yeah.. I just don't want to be coming in here with my big bum and people thinking I'm really fat.

OK, OK, OK. So. Can you imagine my thought process? Do I really need to tell you what I was thinking? Let's put it this way... I wasn't feeling sorry for this girl, that maybe she had a bad body image, or perhaps really DID think she was fat (but I really, REALLY don't think she thought that at all) or maybe she's starved of compliments at home, and has to rely on total strangers making her feel good about herself. Which are all really sad things to consider.

But as I said, I'm not really a nice person at all, so I was thinking, like a true psycho hose beast... "Shoosh. I'll show you fat. Check this patoot out. THAT'S fat!! And chocolate? You've never seen me with a selection box. And crisps? I can eat a WHOLE bag of Doritos. The bags that say they're meant for "sharing". Don't come in here with your perfect make up and size 0 touche and talk about being fat. And for my last dinner, you know what I'd have? A huge big Christmas dinner followed by a tub of ice cream, followed by various cheeses and crackers. Followed by chocolates. Followed by crisps. Followed by a stomach pump, so I could start again. Grrrr."

Told you. Pure venom inside of me. Or maybe she just caught me at a bad time. I WAS just about to have heart attack when she interrupted, after all...


Melissa said...

Oh, I HATE those girls! But I used to be one of them. I would complain that my size 2's were getting a little tight. Then I had kids and turned 40 and they're still a little tight--as in, the waist is a little tight around my ANKLES!

But I don't think you're a mean person inside--you did jump over to my blog and leave a comment. That's a sign of a non-venomous soul!

Jill said...

Shame on you...for not calling her out right then and there and out loud! Not just in your head.

And, good for you for being at the gym. I have yet to get myself going.

Self loathing......

Thanks for the laugh this morning.

Jen said...

The only thing missing was me on the cross trainer next to you, because two negatives make a positive, so we'd have been justified.

Carol said...

You're going to the gym? Wow!!

You should have eaten her.

That Girl in Brazil said...

She should also have complained about having too much money and hot sex from her man-model husband. PLUS, her front door probably squeaks.

Found you on Mormon Mommy Blogs - I'll be back!

Shauna said...

I hear you! Some people make me sick! Hope you have a great day! L♥ve and Hugs :)

Heidi said...

You always find the best pictures. How did you get that one of my bum?