I was at the gym (again.... but it doesn't seem to be making the blindest bit of difference. I just go to ogle the guys. Seriously. Even the ugly guys that sweat far too much. I'm no respecter of persons. Even the weird guy with what I'm sure is a glass eye. Does he keep it in his head the whole night? Does he take it out and put it in a glass of water, like old folk do with their false teeth? Anyway - he gets ogled too, but not cos I fancy him - just out of morbid curiosity...) last night. And I had just stood on the treadmill, and I got that big gurgly tummy feeling, that prompted me to quickly gather my things, and make a quick trip to the can. After all, I wouldn't want to start running, and then 2 minutes in, have to come off cos i needed the loo...
Hold on. That sounds like the perfect ruse. I'll need to use that excuse in the future.
Anyway. Went to the loo. Did the business. Then reached up the toilet roll dispenser. And my searching fingers started feeling about madly for a single morsel of toilet roll. Only to find nothing.
Schoolgirl error. Why didn't I check that this very necessary item was installed in this one cubicle? Now what to do? There was someone else in the cubicle next to me... do I call on her to pass some underneath? No - I couldn't do that. She would know that I.... needed some. Am I that much of a prude!?
I waited and considered my options.
Option one - just drip dry.
Option 2 - just pull' em up and be on my way. Boys do it all the time, after all.
Option 3 - wait til the coast is clear, keep trousers in situ and keeping the same stance, shuffle in to the next cubicle to hopefully find some blessed loo paper.
Well - it could only be option 3. I had to be quick. These were open plan toilets/changing room. Anyone could come in. My heart was pounding (probably a lot more than if i were on the treadmill, so i was happy to be using up some calories in this hour of need). Could I make it in time, what if there was no paper in the next cubicle? What if there was none at all?
I unlatched the door, and quickly waddled in to the next chamber to find the sweet sight of an great abundance of toilet paper. How small things can be seem so great.
Well, the paper was used. And used.
Back in to the gym. I was just about to hop back on that bleeding treadmill when one of the gym buffs stopped me, bent down and pulled a bit of loo roll from the bottom of my foot.
"You've got a little something stuck to your shoe there..."
But I was all out of shame. And that's why I can blog about it now. No. Shame.