Monday, 23 March 2009

My baby. My chubby little baby.

My baby girl, Esther turned a year old last week. A year!? A year since the horrific birth? A year since the mastitis? A year since the trying to quench her insatiable appetite every hour? A year since I made the resolve that my loins would be fruit free from now on?

And yes, people... I'm going to tell you a little bit about the birth. But nothing yucky, so don't worry. But I want you all to know, so that you can send me medals and trophies to highlight how good and fantastic I was to give birth a year ago.

Esther was overdue. I had to be induced. i felt kind of jipped about that, cos she was my third. Aren't the second, third (or heaven forbid.. fourth?) meant to come early, or at least on time?! Anyway - she was induced 10 days late. It was rubbish.


OK - so I had typed a whole load of stuff about the birth there, and I felt better after having typed it. So much better. But it was boring and I'm not sure anybody wanted to hear about it. So i deleted it. Anyway. Put it this way... Esther was a horrible birth. No pain medication. 10lbs baby. No husband... He'd buggered off to lie down in the waiting room. He wasn't feeling well. AND ROBBIE, DON'T BE ANNOYED THAT I TYPED THAT. I WRITE THE TRUTH. If you want to let your version of events known, you can leave a comment.

And I know that childbirth is hardly a walk in the park, but really... don't make me EVER go through that again. (By the way, Robbie... if you're still reading this, our bunk beds arrive next week... just to make certain...)

So - we all know that I'm selfish. I don't mind admitting that. I mean, this was meant to be a post about my baby turning a year old. And instead, I made it all about me and the hard time I had delivering her.

But that's just the way it goes. It's all about me. All of the time. And can I just say.. I make really good babies. I mean - look at her. She's booteefoo. I really am good.

Ps. Thanks for visiting, Debbie and Kim.. ;)

Thursday, 5 March 2009

Cheesy or cute?

OK, so maybe it's a bit of a cultural thing, but here in the UK, we don't do high fives and huddles and teamwork chants etc. As a matter of fact, when I went to be a counsellor for EFY in the States, I had a really hard time doing all of these things, cos basically, we Brits just don't 'do' stuff like that. I remember trying to encourage a group of teenage kids to do some chant that had something to do with a ticking time bomb.. of love. I can't even remember it cos it went to against the grain that I've tried to block it from my memories. Something to do with being friends, sharing love, teamwork, tick tick boom.... I really can't remember how it went. Thank goodness.

Anyway. Suffice it to say that we Brits are less enthusiastic about sharing the love and more reserved about chanting about positivity and teamwork. Or so I had thought.

My girls have taken to high fiving each other, and me, whenever they do something well.

"Hey Hannah - you tidied away your toys! High Five!" (OK - so maybe this one IS high-five worthy... cos it doesn't happen very often...)

"Eilidh - you did your homework! High Five!" (yeah - but she HAS to do her homework... so why celebrate it?)

"Mummy - we ate our dinner! High Five!" (OK - but my cooking is amazing, so why shouldn't you have eaten it all? And why are you making me high five you both when you only ate all your dinner cos there were no visible vegetables on your plates?)

Anyway. I can almost make my peace with the high fives. But the group huddle thing they've started doing is what I find most unnerving. They put their little hands in front of them, on top of one other's hands and shout "teamwork". That's what it's called, right? A huddle? I don't even know the correct term for it. Anyway.... whatever it's called - they're doing it! In fact just before bed time tonight, the word 'teamwork' was being replaced by rude toilet words, so I wasn't as worried as I was before.

So - as is also the Brits' way - who do I look to, to blame (we LOVE to look to who's to blame. It's never our fault.) for all this jovial camaraderie and general joie de vivre? I have a feeling it's something to do with High School Musical, or Hannah Montana, or some other show like that. But I'm not entirely comfortable blaming shows that brought us Zac Efron... and Billy Ray Cyrus. High five, Billy Ray.... high five. Miaow.

Sunday, 1 March 2009

Why I've been AWOL.

So. I've not been blogging. Cos I've been really busy. Doing three things, mainly.

1. I've been thinking about how I would spend my millions if I were to win the lottery. Which is funny cos I don't ever play the lottery, yet that important fact doesn't seem to hamper my dream that I would in fact have a pretty good chance of winning.

I would go on a cruise with Robbie (if Fabio weren't available). I guess we'd have to take the kids. I'd take a nanny though (who no doubt would sell her story to the papers in a couple of years time, and say what a bitch I was and how she couldn't bear to live in my house cos I kept it so clean and tidy all the time it made her feel uncomfortable. And yes - the papers would print her story cos we'd be really famous for being so rich.)

Anyway - I'd take a cruise, bugger off all round the world and see everything worth seeing, and then I'd buy a nice wee house somewhere sunny, and buy myself jewels. Big jewels. Like the kind that Richard Burton bought for Elizabeth Taylor. HUGE. And I wouldn't do any more housework. Well - I wouldn't be able to lift my hands due to the sheer enormity of the diamonds adorning my knuckles.

2. I've been looking at maps. I'm a geek. I LOVE maps. Even when I was wee, I thought it was amazing to look at maps and see where I lived in relation to everywhere else. And I LOVE Google maps. I stumbled upon it about 8 months ago, and was LOVING the street views. Seriously - if you haven't looked... you need to. Magic. It's like you're walking down the street, and you can look all about... And I also came across another website that showed a bird's eye view of my wee house and I got the biggest thrill when I looked in to my back garden and saw that I had a washing hanging out to dry. I could see my laundry, flapping in the wind. And then I realised that I wasn't only a geek for loving maps, but that I had no life. Cos if you feel a thrill seeing your washing hanging on a washing line on the world wide web, then there's clearly something amiss.

3. I've been endeavoring to get myself a life. Cos daydreaming about having diamond encrusted hands and being followed by the paparazzi, while looking at maps clearly is evidence of someone needing some interests.