So - it's been a while since I was at Fat Class. Enough time for most of my weight to go back on. Dammit. Oh well, at least I can be big enough (hello - the problem here, I think?!) to stand up and admit I need to go back to Fat Class and get back on the straight and narrow. I also swallowed my pride and joined a gym again. Yes, with emphasis on the again. I don't think there'll ever be a time when I'll look like Heidi Klum, and not like Roseanne Barr. Anyhoo.
So, after being weighed and finding that I'd only lost 2.5 lbs ( I fully expect to lose 14 lbs every week...at least, I always hope), I took a seat, and waited to be inspired by our leader in all things non-cake. Ready to listen to her pearls of wisdom, recipe ideas and tips on how to perform a home jaw wiring procedure.
She started talking about exercise. I was feeling quietly smug with msyelf. I'd been to the gym 5 times that week. Nearly killing myself every time. (Damn that treadmill. It's the work of the devil.) I waited to hear how she told everyone how important it is to exercise, and how they should look to me as their shining example, and that they should come to me for tips and hints.
Ok - maybe too far with that, but suffice to say, I was feeling ready to hear things I already knew.
So, I was wrong.
According to the mighty Weight Watchers leader, I shouldn't be going to the gym. As a "heavy" person, I "don't want to go to the gym and kill yourself in the classes". As a "fat" person, I "don't want to be on the treadmill, working up a sweat". And swimming? You don't want to "grease yourself in to a swimsuit and go swimming. You'd create a tsunami!"
(And to reiterate. The use of " " IS correct. She DID say these things. No paraphrasing.)
Here's her good ideas on exercise.
Sitting on your sofa, pedalling one of those pedal things, for no more than 10 minutes at a time. My gran's got one. She's 86.
Go up the stairs instead of the escalator. I've only got stairs in my house. ;)
Carry your shopping to the car, instead of taking the trolley to the car.
Put the radio on, and dance to some music.
And there you have it. I've clearly got it wrong. Obviously, I'm never going to lose the 14 lbs a week if I keep going to the gym. I need to abandon that silly notion, and mug my gran for her pedal machine. (What ARE those things called?!)
By the way - you all owe me £4.95. Cos I've basically just given you a free Weight Watchers class.