Sunday, 24 January 2010

Ah, the mighty Weight Watchers leader.

So - it's been a while since I was at Fat Class.  Enough time for most of my weight to go back on.  Dammit.  Oh well, at least I can be big enough (hello - the problem here, I think?!) to stand up and admit I need to go back to Fat Class and get back on the straight and narrow.  I also swallowed my pride and joined a gym again.  Yes, with emphasis on the again.  I don't think there'll ever be a time when I'll look like Heidi Klum, and not like Roseanne Barr.  Anyhoo.

So, after being weighed and finding that I'd only lost 2.5 lbs ( I fully expect to lose 14 lbs every least, I always hope), I took a seat, and waited to be inspired by our leader in all things non-cake.  Ready to listen to her pearls of wisdom, recipe ideas and tips on how to perform a home jaw wiring procedure.

She started talking about exercise.  I was feeling quietly smug with msyelf.  I'd been to the gym 5 times that week.  Nearly killing myself every time. (Damn that treadmill.  It's the work of the devil.)  I waited to hear how she told everyone how important it is to exercise, and how they should look to me as their shining example, and that they should come to me for tips and hints.

Ok - maybe too far with that, but suffice to say, I was feeling ready to hear things I already knew.

So, I was wrong.

According to the mighty Weight Watchers leader, I shouldn't be going to the gym.  As a "heavy" person, I "don't want to go to the gym and kill yourself in the classes".  As a "fat" person, I "don't want to be on the treadmill, working up a sweat".  And swimming?  You don't want to "grease yourself in to a swimsuit and go swimming.  You'd create a tsunami!"

(And to reiterate.  The use of " " IS correct.  She DID say these things.  No paraphrasing.)


Here's her good ideas on exercise. 

Sitting on your sofa, pedalling one of those pedal things, for no more than 10 minutes at a time.  My gran's got one.  She's 86.

Go up the stairs instead of the escalator.  I've only got stairs in my house. ;)

Carry your shopping to the car, instead of taking the trolley to the car.

Put the radio on, and dance to some music.

And there you have it.  I've clearly got it wrong.  Obviously, I'm never going to lose the 14 lbs a week if I keep going to the gym.  I need to abandon that silly notion, and mug my gran for her pedal machine.  (What ARE those things called?!)

By the way - you all owe me £4.95.  Cos I've basically just given you a free Weight Watchers class.

Cash only.


Julie said...

Wow...sounds like you could teach the class. You are amazing...5 days a week at the gym! My WW teacher states that the best thing to use exercise points on is an alcoholic drinky-drinky at the end of the day. It is a wonder anyone loses weight there!

Chris and Kristy said...

That woman is mad! Although you would look good using one of those pedal machines. I could make you some yummy cobbler and we could walk clear out to the boonies and catch a ride back with the tow truck guy! Hee hee. I'm not admitting any guilt here. We'll skip the cobbler this time and take a nice walk in the field by the horses. I hear you like taking pictures of them!!

Melissa Bastow said...

I'm surprised this information is shocking to you - EVERYONE knows that gyms and treadmills and aerobics classes aren't for fat people. Only those who look fabulous in a leotard should be allowed into a gym. And those pedaling machines, when run by your feet, leave your hands completely free to shove your mouth full of Doritos. Now that's the way to lose 14 pounds a week.

Summers Family said...

I too am a weight watcher. I made it to lifetime and stayed for a year and this last year have put it all back on as well.
I'm too proud to go back, but will get on the elliptical machine we just bought in an attempt to kill myself.
And you are not too fat to exercize - I ran a marathon at this weight. Hard exercise AND eating right will allow you to loose 14 lbs a week (or thereabout) faster than the arm bike thingy.

Carol said...

Now thats my idea of exercise!!

Beeswax said...

At this point (due in 7 weeks), I could not even do that pedal thing. It looks very exhausting. But really, her advice does sound more for the aged and infirm than for the young and slightly chunky. When I try to exercise at my house with no one watching me, I end up lying on the floor, rationalizing that I am "meditating". I have no integrity, so people need to be watching, or I don't break a sweat.