Tuesday, 9 March 2010

I know I'm lucky/fortunate..selfish?

I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but my beautiful girl, (the first born in the wilderness) has Asperger's.  Her assessment came just before she started school, but since then she has learned ways of dealing with her 'issues'.  To today, where you would be hard pushed to associate the label of Asperger's with Eildh.

She is a beautiful, talented, sensitive and loving child.  I know that we're lucky that she's part of our family.

When I was dropping Hannah off at nursery today, which is next to Eilidh school, there was a boy, about 10 years old, being held by the head teacher, as he was sobbing and shouting.  I think he was trying to run away.  The head teacher (who obviously knows Eilidh and has had meetings with me about her and her 'condition') looked at me and said

"You could have it a lot worse."

And that upset me.  Because, she's right.  Eilidh could be a lot less functioning.  She could have extreme signs of this condition.  She could struggle at school, and I think I would struggle to help her. 

And then I felt guilty.  Guilty that I felt relieved, that I wasn't the mother having to come to the school to help my crying child. 

And then I feel guilty at feeling grateful for my beautiful girls.  The girls that I know I moan about, who are naughty and headstrong, but at the same time, loving and kind and healthy.  I continually forget about perspective.  And how lucky I am.


Jill said...

You are indeed fortunate.

And she is a beauty.
I shall try to remember your words whilst dealing with my own tasmanian devil today and everyday. (You know the one of which I speak....)

Thank you for your heartfelt words this morning.
Oh, and your girls? They are lucky/fortunate as well to have a Mum (and I guess Dad...;) Like you and Rab.

Sarah loves it all said...

Your girls are absolutely beautiful. I have some of the same feelings sometimes of being blessed and not feeling deserving. I'm sure you deserve it.

Kimberley said...

aw I love it Claire - made me want to cry. You're a fab mum with 3 gorgeous wee bairns!! Love ya xx

Melissa Bastow said...

I forget stuff like that a lot too. Because even if you're not the mother of the crying run-away child doesn't mean that your life is perfectly easy either. I'm glad that your daughter has found a way to deal with things and is functioning well. I may need to email you for advice on how you deal with the "issues."

Also, your girls are beyond adorable.

Julie said...

We have a kiddo in our primary with Aspergers too. I wouldn't know it if his mom hadn''t told me though. I have to say, I wish we could get rid of the guilt thing. I have the same thoughts too. I just try to count my blessings without comparing myself to the next guy and I figure I'm okay. This feels like unsolicited advice so I'm signing off!!!