Tuesday, 2 March 2010

I'm famous.

Really - I am!

Check here!! Thank you Tina!!!

Also in today's news. I'm thinking of buying myself a defibrillator. Cos at this rate, these kids are going to give me a heart attack, and it's better to be proactive, than reactive, right?

And I'm not talking about the time I took Eggy to ASDA to get some shopping, and she was screaming the place down, to the point were folk were offering sweets to her, and giving me pitiful looks.

Nor am I talking about the time that the kids were on a go slow. They couldn't be bothered walking the length of themselves. In the snow. Just after a murder had taken place at the aforementioned ASDA, and there was a news team trying to interview me to find out what I thought of the mindless shooting in the car park.. When, rather selfishly, all I could think about, was hijacking their news van and driving myself home.

Nor am I referring to the time we went to Pizza Hut for lunch, and instead of getting the Caesar Salad, I ended up with a near stomach ulcer and the longing for the ability to be invisible. (Actually, if I was wishing for things, that would probably end up on the bottom of the list, after perfectly behaved kids and the ability to embarrass Jillian Michaels with my super strength and svelteness.) All because of one screaming child in a high chair, and another customer tutting and saying "for goodness sake", at my apparent lack of parenting skills and inability to calm the untamable Esther.

Yeah - today I'm referring to my two youngest 'darlings' who, while we were in a sports shop, decided to wait til my back was turned, and both ran away. Out of the shop. Down the road.

Cut to me running after them (i need to wear a sports bra all the time, if I'm going to be really proactive....) and shrieking like a mad woman. I could hear myself and the piercing noise I was making. But I'd had that 5 seconds of fear, not knowing where they were , then finding them, ( albeit running away) and feeling relieved, but unbelievably mad that they put me through that most awful 5 seconds of fear. And then, me grabbing them both by their collars, and chastising and cancelling trips to the pet shop and withdrawing offers of buying sweets, in that low voice, as you're nose to nose. All the while, being annoyed that I'm nowhere near any kind of naughty step, where I can leave them to think about their actions.

Pfft. Until they're all in their 20's, and causing me different kinds of problems, I'm off to see if I can buy a defibrillator on Amazon.  I'll charge it up, using the static created by Esther's hair.


Gina said...

I just read about you today on Tina's blog, and thought I'd check yours out. I love your humour. I had my first 7 months ago (a beautiful little girl) and I hope I see the humour in situations as she gets older. Let me know how the defibrulator works for you, so I can buy one now. :)


Sarah loves it all said...

That's so funny Claire! Your re-cap is genious. Just remember...mine's not old enough to cause me too much trouble. :)

Melissa Bastow said...

Wow, you ARE famous. And the whole running away down the street thing? I hate that. All kids should just come with leashes (I actually tried a leash with one of my kids and he just threw himself to the ground each time I put it on him, and then I had to drag him around while he flopped around like a lump of diapered skin.)

Kimberley said...

check you out "International mom" !! ;0) xx

Julie said...

You really are famous!! Loved the article on your fam. You are a great mom and it seems like you still really enjoy life! You made me miss ASDA too...I loved that store. I also miss days when I can shop without my kids. I never have room for the groceries because my kids take up the entire cart and there is always an incident of some sort...it never ends well.

The Damsel In DisDress said...

Found you through MMB. Love!

Leslie said...

LOVED seeing that posting about you and your family. i HAD to leave a comment on there.

you are great.

and what on earth? your kids are SO beautiful. they take after you.