Saturday, 25 September 2010


Wow.  I just read this online.  It’s sadly all true.

“Facebook can also be a mecca for passive-aggressive behavior. "Suddenly, things you wouldn't say out loud in conversation are OK to say because you're sitting behind a computer screen," says Kimberly Kaye, 26, an arts writer in New York. She was surprised when friends who had politely discussed health-care reform over dinner later grew much more antagonistic when they continued the argument online.

Just ask Heather White. She says her college roommate at the University of Georgia started an argument over text about who should clean their apartment. Ms. White, 22, who was home visiting her parents at the time, asked her friend to call her so they could discuss the issue. Her friend never did.

A few days later, Ms. White, who graduated in May, updated her Facebook status, commenting that her favorite country duo, Brooks & Dunn, just broke up. Almost immediately, her roommate responded, writing publicly on her wall: "Just like us." The two women have barely spoken since then.

Band-Aid Tactics

So what's the solution, short of "unfriending" or "unfollowing" everyone who annoys you? You can use the "hide" button on Facebook to stop getting your friends' status updates—they'll never know—or use TwitterSnooze, a Web site that allows you to temporarily suspend tweets from someone you follow. (Warning: They'll get a notice from Twitter when you begin reading their tweets again.)

But these are really just Band-Aid tactics. To improve our interactions, we need to change our conduct, not just cover it up. First, watch your own behavior, asking yourself before you post anything: "Is this something I'd want someone to tell me?" "Run it by that focus group of one," says Johns Hopkins's Dr. Wallace.

And positively reward others, responding only when they write something interesting, ignoring them when they are boring or obnoxious. (Commenting negatively will only start a very public war.)

If all that fails, you can always start a new group: "Get Facebook to Create an Eye-Roll Button Now!" “

Full article -

So, to  “improve my interactions” I shall try to “change my conduct” by sadly staying away from Facebook a lot more. 

I am a sociable person -I love the interaction that Facebook offers.  I’ve made some really good, good friends that mean a lot to me through this medium.  But, the moment I start subscribing to something that causes me anxiety and distress is surely a bad thing.  I’m 34 years old.  Not 14.  I don’t buy in to petty squabbles and narcissist rants.  And unfortunately, Facebook also offers a soapbox for people that require attention and a medium for them to say whatever they like, with no thought to anybody else’s feelings but their own.

Now.  What to do with all this time I’ve spared myself?  Maybe clean my kitchen floor?

Meh.  Why break the habit of a lifetime? 

So – tell me.  Have you got any stories to tell that will make me feel better about staying away from my favourite past-time? :)


Melissa Bastow said...

I've never liked facebook - but I'm really NOT socialable in any medium. Which is kind of a problem all by itself...

And don't even think about cleaning your kitchen floor, there is so many better things to do with all your freed up time - like watching reruns on Hulu.

Leslie said...

that is funny. my sister and i were JUST talking about the status updates and why some people think they have to tell us EVERYTHING that they are doing throughout the day.

i do the reward thing when it is a really great status update, and i do the ignore thing when they are boring or lame.

facebook has its great points and facebook has not so great points. let us know how your plan goes to stay away more often.

Jill said...

I love you. Just have to say that.

I was super happy to see a blog update. I, myself, need to focus on my blog/family history a bit more, read more to my children, and spend more quality time with Scott. Those are my goals.

Did I mention I love you and I am SO grateful for our friendship? There. It's been said.

Kimberley said...

I only go on now when I'm working - keeps me from getting bored!! I know what you mean about it getting you down - I hate all the "please feel sorry for me" status's but hey I've probably posted a few on occasion.....and it's great at letting you know what you've been left out of!!!! but I still love it - hey! I wouldn't get to chat to you otherwise xx

Summers Family said...

I have loved getting in touch with people that live SO far away, esp from the mission. However my brother currently uses it to send me hate mail. I am planning on "unfriending" him after I write a letter (or should I say message) explaining. I just feel less and less like writing that letter with every nasty note he sends me telling me that I can't ignore him. (oh yeah, what cha gonna do????)
anyway, I think it is more lame each day and would stop completely except that there are some dearly beloved that I don't want to loose touch with. And I like to know that some others who I just want to check up on every few months, are still available to me.

Cammie said...

You know me, I was having anxiety over it months ago. I was nervous to quit but after I did it I felt so free--free as a bird
singing, dancing,
writing poetry,
sewing, canning,
baking bread,

OK, only the top two (how else do you think Soren got the awesome improvisational singing skills he demonstrated on his fist day of primary?. . actually he gets all the credit for his talents)but it feels nice to not have that pressure.

And I'll second and third the "I love you" ~ you are awesome!