Friday, 18 February 2011

Biggest Loser vs Total Loser.

"Hi, my name is Claire Campbell and I like food.  I like lots of food.  Lots of crappy, fatty, wonderful food."

This would be my opening line at a FAM.  Food Addict Meeting.  And I'd decorate my name badge to look like a burger.  To be funny.  Then I'd probably get told off for not taking the meeting seriously enough.  Pfft.

I think these kind of groups need to exist.  Well.. maybe they kind of do.  In the form of Weight Watchers classes.  All we're missing is the name badges.  We all talk about food, how much we love it, how much we eat, how we shouldn't eat so much, how we try to give up the bad food, how we feel bad when we don't.

Meh.  I feel like I'm a lifelong member at Weight Watchers.  They should give me some kind of prize for being with them for so long.  Intermittently, admittedly.  I think they should give me gastric band surgery, as a token of their appreciation for me supporting them for so long. 

So, when I get my DIY gastric band in the post from Weight Watchers, perhaps I'll find it easier at the gym and get good results like the folk on the Biggest Loser.  Perhaps then, I'll be able to lose more than 1lb per week.  Perhaps I too, will find that inner voice - that I'll be able to scream like an All Black rugby player before a game.  Perhaps I'll find the inner strength to cry and harness my feelings.  Perhaps I'll be able to rise above the anger I feel towards everyone around me.  Perhaps then I'll be able to not use food as a way of stifling my feelings.

Wait.  That's not me - I just enjoy eating.  I think I've been watching one too many episodes.  (yes - watching them online and on Sky+  IS excessive.)  And I perhaps need to realised that watching an episode IS NOT the same as going to the gym myself (it's true, Jill... sadly.)

Could someone please come and help me change the channel?  I can't reach the remote for all the pies on my couch...


Jill said...

My own personal shout out??? I am so thrilled! Even if you were disputing my logic. I know it's not the same-but wouldn't it be great if it were??? :)

Love this post, my friend. Always love them, but honestly-you are so funny.
And wise.

Julie said...

I love this! You should write a column somewhere. I love the Biggest Loser too. I swear I get so hungry watching it though. I like to watch it while eating all the foods they can't!